I feel like tonight might be one of those nights I stay up late and write. And disregard the homework that is due tomorrow. I have a lot of thoughts going on, and Motorcycle Drive By prompted those. I have it on repeat now.

I've never been so alone, and I've never been so alive.

you never realize how bad your anxiety really is until you're on medication for it. you skip one pill by accident, and the anxiety sets in so fast. and hard.

"Stop writing in your head. Stop writing in your head", I repeat, as I find my way back to the computer desk.
I take these pills and watch the saddness appear in your eyes, and watch the happy fill mine. The positives collect up in my head, and the negatives come out of their mouths. Sometimes I can't stand the harsh things people say about one another. I may not say everything outloud that's in my mind, but i certainly don't fill the air with lies and terrible negative statements. Sometimes I can't stand holding things in. I am honest with what I do say. 

Shaking. Anxiety. 
Cold and alone.

I've lost it all when I wrote it in my head. 

I want to hit pause. Or slow fast forward. Or even slow rewind to fix all the things that have happened. This shits moving to fast for me. I can't keep up. I have so much free time, but really none at all. I have to stop leaving important people out of my life. 

I'm shaking because it's cold.

I can no longer tolerate rudness and negativity. 
It's eaten me, and torn me apart for far too long.

I'm shaking because i'm aggravated.

Things fall apart for a reason. As much as I would like to know the reasons, I still let it be. I let things be. I accept things.

I can't wait to be back in a sociology class.
Four more days of winter break.
How many more days of winter?